His Order, My Disorder...

My husband and I have very different ways to manage our projects and keep our stuff.

We work well together but generally keep our projects separate.  I’ll ask for help from him on large projects but my husband rarely asks for mine – especially not the garage – and we have come to an understanding that when he needs something that I manage (like the small staple gun cause who wants to pull out the air compressor every time),  he returns it to its home immediately and when I need something that he manages (like the 3foot long level), I usually ask him where it is that day and he knows that I’ll return it to its home or project table shortly.

While I am working on a project and I need to stop for the day before it is completed, I’ll contain it and then stash it out of the way until I can finish it.  Ideally I only have one project going at a time, at least that was the way it was before kids, and when I do finish the task, everything goes back in its place immediately.

My husband however likes to work on several projects in the course of a month (or several months) and then do a big organizing session whenever he sees that he needs it. Of course his version of needing it is very different than my version of thinking he needs it and his organizing logic seems (to me) random at times.

As someone who prefers order over chaos, has a system for storing holiday supplies, and places my keys, sunglasses, and purse in the exact same place every time I come home, it was a huge step for me to accept that not everyone needs to have everything in its place before sitting down. 

Understanding and accepting our differences has helped me recognize this situation during my client evaluations and prompts me to offer this advice:

Just because his (or her) order looks like disorder doesn’t mean he (or she) can’t find anything.  It only means that it will take longer for someone else to find it. 

As a general rule I only organize the client - I don’t organize the spouse or any other person that is not directly involved in the sessions because if the owner of the stuff does not have the desire for change, it will return to the state of which it was in when it was determined that I was needed and then my work becomes as repetitive as a housekeeper without all of the chemicals.

I don’t make someone become organized and no one can make someone else decide to become organized (well, at least not without some significant convincing).  So I offer you this: Decide what it is that you want for what is under your control and let go of the rest.

My obsession and anxiety thanked me when I did.